Darling on deck: Kristin Ducote's top tips for entertaining ladies on board
2017-04-20By Kristin Ducote

Author, attorney and yacht owner Kristin Ducote dishes advice for equal opportunity fun on board. Listen up, fellas...

If you want your lady to spend more time on that extraordinarily expensive toy of yours, here are some tips to ensure she loves yachting as much as you do.

• Don’t poke the bear. Prepare yourself for abnormally large sun hats, huge sunglasses and white, chemical-free marine-safe suncream like on a 1980s beach volleyball player. Also expect moments of horrifically un-sexy long-sleeved SPF shirts. Wrinkles are not chic, so hold your tongue and don’t make fun of our extreme methods of sun protection.

'Nothing will entice female mutiny quicker than an empty Champagne bucket.' Illustration by David Hopkins

• Don’t urinate off the transom. You think we can’t see you but we can.

• Don’t fight us on that insanely expensive Chanel tote to carry our towel and sunscreen to the beach. We don’t begrudge you that fourth engine on your tender. And while we’re on the subject of tenders, please choose a mutually acceptable one. All we really care about is how dry it is. An errant wave over the bow on the way to a fancy dinner can ruin the evening.

• And yes, do plan a fancy onshore dinner or two. Although one of the great things about yacht life is the ability to let your hair down and relax, we still like to wash the salt off now and then. No matter how superb the chef on board, give us a few nights of excitement. Give us a reason to swipe on bright lipstick and slip into a great pair of heels.

• Do splurge for the best crew you can find. No matter what size boat you’re working with, in the end it’s the crew that makes the trip. Look for yachties with extra things to offer, like a yoga background. Yoga classes on the aft deck at sunset aren’t just for her; they will make you appreciate the moment too.

• And lastly, don’t ever run out of good Champagne. Nothing will incite a female mutiny quicker than an empty Champagne bucket.

Talk about a lot of rules! Consider these guidelines for a good time. When she’s actively engaged in the boat and excited for the next trip, she’s less likely to take exception to the mountain of bills collecting in the kitchen. You’re in this together. Remember: you don’t find the happy life, you make it. Until next time…