From forgotten guests to reeling in unexploded World War Two bombs– yacht owners reveal some of their wildest memories from their travels around the world...
“My poor mum wouldn’t take no for an answer – big mistake!”
I grew up with boats – my family always had lake ski boats – so it was perhaps no surprise that I eventually became a licensed 100-tonne captain and ran other commercial vessels as well as private yacht charters. Today, I am the proud owner of a 22-metre motor yacht.
My wife and I often go cruising and we love to entertain on board. When we go out with friends we normally fuel up a day or so before the outing. This is partly because it sometimes takes over an hour to fuel, but also it eliminates any discomfort our guests may feel if they are watching how many gallons of fuel are being pumped in!
A few years ago, my elderly parents decided to join us for a day of whale watching, and for one reason or another I didn’t manage to get fuel beforehand. We only needed about half a tank, so I asked Mum and Dad if they’d mind us hanging around for a bit. Of course not, they said, and would I please let them pay for the fuel. I refused – they are my parents and our guests, after all, and we were only too glad to have them on board for the day.
But my mother wouldn’t take no for an answer – and she can be very persistent. While my back was turned, she sneaked a credit card into the hands of one of the dock attendants.
Poor mum! I’m sure she thought that filling up my yacht wouldn’t be much more expensive than filling up our little ski boats. You should have seen her face when she discovered a charge of $2,200 had been made to her card! The fuel cost me nothing, but the look on my mum’s face was priceless.
“A gendarme appeared, screaming, ‘You are crazy man with death wish!’
Back in 2008, we were living in France when I took some friends for a cruise around the area. We headed for the bay of Villefranche and were manoeuvring between boats at anchor when the port engine cut out. After checking no warning signals had appeared at the helm, I disengaged the gear and restarted the engine. As soon as I clicked back into gear it shut down again. It was now time to drop the anchor and investigate further.
It soon became clear that a hefty rope had snagged the propeller, so out came the tender and some scuba gear. Down I went, cutting the prop free, when I noticed the rope was attached to something I presumed to be old fishing tackle. We tied it to our tender and began dutifully dragging it onto the beach when a gendarme appeared, waving and screaming: “You are crazy man with death wish!” It turned out that the old fishing tackle was in fact unexploded ordnance from the Second World War!
Now, every time I see this policeman in the village, he waves and calls over: “Hello crazy man, you’re still alive!” If I’m with guests I just shrug my shoulders and pretend he has me mixed up with someone else.
“I turned to my crew: ‘We haven’t forgotten anyone, have we?’
Every summer we like to bareboat charter the same yacht in St Vincent and the Grenadines and we invite family and friends. It’s hands-down our favourite holiday. We always do the same thing: arrive at St Vincent the night before, rest and wake up super excited to head out to sea. After getting our mandatory orientation, we gather groceries and get the boat fully provisioned. It is always chaos getting everything on board, but we finally get it all shipshape.
“Are we all set?” I called out on this particular occasion. “Ready!” my crew of family and friends yelled back. “OK, let’s go!” My competent crew had us off the dock in short order and we started motoring out of the harbour and beyond the reef. Then, suddenly, the VHF crackled into life with a call from the charter company: “Do you have everybody on board?”
“Of course we do,” I replied, “but thanks for checking.” I turned to my crew: “We haven’t forgotten anyone, have we?” They did a cursory count and assured me we hadn’t. So up went the sails and off we headed.
But just as I rested my feet on the dash, someone pointed out a little RIB pursuing us at full tilt. We slowed down, and as it approached, I could just make out my wife’s voice yelling: “YOU LEFT ME BEHIND, YOU BASTARDS!”
Needless to say, my wife has been very nervous of leaving the boat ever since.
“He kept raving about his wife while holding hands with his mistress”
Years ago, I had an appointment to tour a yacht that was being managed by a charter broker. The broker called me beforehand to tell me that the owner would be on board but his wife wouldn’t be. OK, I said, and just assumed this meant his wife didn’t want to feature on the tour. Fair enough.
When I arrived at the boat, the broker repeated that the owner was on board without his wife, and he emphasised the bit about his wife. But when I arrived on the sundeck I saw the owner sitting at the dinner table with a woman, who I quickly understood not to be his wife. In fact, she was young enough to be his daughter, but I felt sure she wasn’t that either.
The owner insisted I join them for dinner, and then proceeded to spend the whole time raving about his wife (who was very much absent) in front of his mistress (who this must surely have been). He enjoyed, for example, telling me about his wife’s career accomplishments, which he seemed particularly proud of. And he wasn’t the least bit self-conscious about doing so in front of this other woman, who he completely ignored except for holding her hand during most of the dinner.
It will go down as one of the most awkward evenings I’ve ever spent on board a superyacht. And, no, I never did get to meet his wife.
Do you have a great tale to tell? Send your story to thebitterend@boatinternationalmedia.com